


My 'alone' includes you.

by KujiraHanma



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Sex, Dan and Phil World Tour 2018: Interactive Introverts, Established Relationship, M/M, beach, taking a walk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 11:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KujiraHanma/pseuds/KujiraHanma
Summary: Dan and Phil are on their Interactive Introvers 2018 World Tour. Needing a break from the tour (and work) they take a walk along the beach. Phil recognizes that as an introvert, and recharging by being alone, he can recharge with Dan.





	My 'alone' includes you.

_I never thought of writing about these two men. I want to believe them. I really do. But now I am on summer vacation and I am rested from all the stress at work. My head is fuzzy from vodka and Kahlua. These two men are everything that is on my mind right now. Not the beach or the waves of the sea I so desperately wanted to see. No – two over 6 foot tall men have stolen my heart and my brain. Occupied describes it better. The music reaches me through my balcony from the with tourists crowded street between my hotel and the beach and Ed Sheeran sings next to me out of my JBL box connected with my iPod of an old 3rd generation. It still works and I love this piece of technology._  
_These two men claim to be best friends – not more. As I said, I want to believe them.  
But when I am at the beach I see not my feet in front of me … _

He digs his foot in the smooth sand where the waves barely touch the end of the ocean. He pushed his foot deeper inside, feels the cool of the earth in comparison to the water that takes longer to warm up but stores the temperature longer than the fast cooling land. Waves crash around his ankles and smoothen the sand to a flat surface. He looks at the ocean, closes his eyes and fills his lungs with the salty air. It feels so nice. So fresh.  
“Phil”, his name was not raised in a question. He turns towards the direction the voice was coming from, not opening his eyes, “Hm?” A light touch on his shoulder – just a second. Phil knows that he has passed him and is now continuing their walk in front of him.  
They had asked for a break. Just the two of them walking. Silence was something that was rare in their lifes the past three months. Too many people surrounded them every day, too much traveling, too much attention. 

They stay in a hotel for the night. Still in America, West coast, East coast – Phil doesn’t care at the moment. He doesn’t want to think about it. It doesn’t matter. He wanted to be alone for a short selfish hour or two.  
Alone.  
When he thinks of this word – English language degree in the back of his mind – he cannot recall the moment when his definition of ‘alone’ has changed. It feels more like a progress over years but since quite some time his definition of the word ‘alone’ had been extended. At the beginning of every show they tell the audience the definition of an introvert: recharging energy when you are alone. He has to giggle at his own thoughts. Because when Dan accompanies him, Phil is still able to recharge his energy even though he is an introvert. But per definition he is not alone. Phil opens his eyes and sees Dan looking back at him. Dan’s gaze translates his question without vocalizing is, ‘What is so funny?’  
“I just had a thought”, Phil explains.  
“What kind of?”  
“It is not important.”  
“Tell me.”  
Phil unplugs his foot from the sand and walks up to where Dan is standing. “You know that at the beginning of every show we explain the meaning of being an introvert. That an introvert recharges energy from being alone.”  
“Yes.”  
“So, my definition of the word ‘alone’ has changed.”  
Dan raises is gaze a little more and looks into the blue eyes right through Phil’s glasses. Phil knows that he won’t say anything and will wait patiently for the answer. He holds the gaze for some seconds more until he moves his head and continues watching the waves coming to an end at his bare feet. “My ‘alone’ includes you. I know that sounds weird because I am not feeling alone when I am with you. Its …”, he faces Dan again and locks with his brown eyes. “… I am with you and I can recharge. Technically, that’s not alone.”  
After saying what he had said, Phil watches Dan’s expression. He is not at all disappointed when Dan sends him a warm smile. “Same”, he adds.  
“Does this make any sense?”, Phil laughs.  
“For everyone else - no. But for me it does.”  
Phil exchanges an unspoken thank you.  
“Come on, we walk a little more, you spork.”  
Phil huffs amused and steps next to Dan, where they continue to walk beside each other along the beach at the end of the salty waves and the wet sand.

It’s not before the sun has settled down that the two of them turn and start their way back to the hotel. Not only back to the hotel - to the tour, to long travels on the tour bus, to security guards, managers, mearchandise, iPhones, instagram and so much more. Both have left their phones at the hotel. They wanted to be out of even the chance to take photos or record insta stories. For one hour or two, they wanted to be completely off work.  
The bars and clubs along the beach close to the hotel are far away from their turning point. It is quiet and dark. Only the white light of the moon illuminates their way. Phil feels relaxed. He listens to his splashing footsteps in the water and Dan’s beside him. His hand brushes Dan’s and something crosses his mind. He doesn’t want to think so he gives in. He extends one finger and touches Dan’s hand again. His finger gets hooked into one of Dan’s and a moment later they are intertwined to two hands holding each other. It takes his breath away. 

No one is around so they hold on to each other – not one word spoken. Dan’s hand is warm in his and his grip is firm in every right way. They reach a small wooden stall and Dan lets go of Phil’s hand. Only a hint of sadness starts to form in Phil from the loss of contact, until he feels Dan’s hand returning on his back, wander to his sides and at the same time directing him into dry sand. As Phil feels himself gently pushed against the wooden wall of the stall, Dan’s hand now on his chest, he looks up. He forgets to breathe as he meets Dan’s eyes. There is no force applied by the hand on his chest what gives Phil the option to move away if he wants to … but he doesn’t want to. So he holds the eye contact and remembers to breathe. He tilts his head back against the wood and closes his eyes. He invites Dan to do what is on both of their minds. There is only one reason his friend has guided him into a moonlight shadow created by the stall. Only one reason and Phil wants what is on Dan’s mind. With every breath Phil can feel the excitement crawling up and infecting his body, filling him more and more with desire. A big hand strokes gently through his hair, through his new quiff and confidence. When the tingling sensation of touching his scalp reaches his shoulders, he opens his lips slightly and just a second later he sharply inhales not only necessary air but also a kiss. Dan’s bottom lip is between his and Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s broad shoulders, while the synapses in his brain explode. He pulls him closer to his body, wanting to feel more of him. And Dan is tall – so there is a lot more of him. Surrounded by so many people all day long and with not really any escape possibility, he and Dan have stuck to their professional best-friends-relationship and have abandoned the private relationship that belongs only to them and their eyes only.  
The hand on his chest sinks down and an exciting pull at his hair follows. It leads to a short separation of their mouths, an almost silent gasp escapes. Their lips find each other immediately and they start to kiss hot and breathy. Phil’s hand is at the hairline of Dan’s hair, digging his fingers into the short stubble. Dan sucks and pulls at his bottom lip and after letting go, licking into his mouth. Phil moans into the kiss, into the touch, welcomes Dan’s tongue. Lust flushes his body and lets his knees get week. His glasses are pressed to Dan’s cheeks and are moving along their hot kiss. So Phil grasps them, pulls them off by breaking their connection ever so slightly and storing them into the back pocket of Dan’s jeans while being kissed again. 

He was wearing his big, nerdy glasses because his eyes have needed a break from being covered by the aqueous foil that helps him see.  
“I really like those glasses”, Dan had said as he wacked them on.  
“Really?”, Phil had answered in bewilderment.  
“Have I never told you that?”, Dan laughed. “They suit you very well.”  
“But I have them for ages now”, Phil replied. As Dan just kept smiling at him, he said thank you. Honestly grateful for the compliment Phil had closed his contact lens container as they were about to head off to the beach.

They have deepened the kiss and are not even considering of letting go. The wooden wall of the stall was still in Phil’s back and Dan’s hand in his hair. The other one plays with the hem of his shirt and Phil sharply inhales as Dan’s knuckles touch the sensitive skin of his belly.  
Yes!  
He wants so desperately to be touched by the particular person in front of him. So he slides his own hands down the long back, rests them for a short while at the soft sides above Dan’s hips and finally slides them under the fabric. Dan, shamelessly, moans into the kiss. Phil kisses back heatedly, communicating ‘Touch me’ wordlessly. Dan breaks the kiss, wet lips sliding along Phil’s cheek, kissing his jawline until sucking and licking the soft skin behind his ear, biting his neck. Phil gasps from the touch, a heat rushing through his body, letting his hips speak in a straight forward thrust into Dan’s groin. Their already awaken erections colliding goes through them like lightning. Phil can hear a deep throated moan and feels hot breath running down his neck. He buries his face into Dan’s crook of neck and inhales the scent that lets him lose his mind.

“Stop”, he vaguely hears Dan’s voice, “We have to stop”, he repeats and the lips and hands vanish from Phil’s body. Dan breathes heavy and fast from kissing and arousal and drops his body away from Phil into the smooth sand.

Phil can’t think – he just breathes. His heart is racing, his lips are hot and swollen and his groin is burning. Stop, he thinks not processing its meaning and why his body has been left alone. After some repetitions of filling his lungs with air and exhaling carbon dioxide he can hear the waves crashing, sees the moonlight touching the sand around their save shadow. Finally, his eyes spot a blurry Dan sitting in the sand, spread legs and fast moving chest facing down.  
Stop. It hits him.  
He pushes himself off the wooden wall and takes a seat next to Dan, not caring about the sand that will stick to their pants. A hand appears in front of him holding something and Phil takes his glasses, saying an unspoken thank you. He holds them against the moon to check how dirty they have gotten. He can see prints of Dan’s cheeks and a stripe from his nose on the right glass. He cleans them with his shirt.  
Both are sitting in silence for a while and wait for their bodies to cool off.  
“Sorry! What has just happened”, Phil excuses and buries his face in his hands.  
“I kissed you”, Dan explains dryly.  
“But I..”  
“I enjoyed it – very much”, Dan interrupts him with a calm and steady voice. Phil can see the smile on Dan’s face. No regret, no shame - love actually.  
He mirrors the smile. “Me too.”  
“Obviously.”  
They laugh.  
“You think someone saw us?”, Phil is worried.  
“No, I had checked. I wouldn’t have kissed you if not.”  
“It would be a bloody disaster if it would come out like this.”  
“Nah, don’t worry.”  
And he doesn’t. 

It had been their decision from the beginning to hide their relationship that crossed the platonic line. In earlier years because coming out wasn’t that accepted as it is today and in recent years because of the image change that would affect their professional life immediately. In the time a lot of youtubers shared their coming out like Hannah Hart, Tyler Oakley, Joey Graceffa, Troye Sivan, Ingrid Nilsen or Connor Franta, they decided not to. They want to be promoted as best friends, not as a couple. Many many aspects of their life is public, therefore keeping their relationship private is their treasure. And they guard it with all their heart. Even when it almost came out in 2012. Most of their fans assume it anyway and create tons of fanart and fanfictions every day. But as Dan always says, he would appreciate it much more if his daughter would be into creative writing than drugs, with all the smut and explicitly. The elements in their videos that a lot of fans call ‘proof’ were placed by them on purpose. Every video undergoes a lot of editing, they see their scenes a hundred times. Giving the fans some phan-service is part of their business. But still, they miss some moments from time to time. Because between them they became so natural. The internet can always turn something they thought harmless into something big. You never know. And this risk is part of their job.

Phil stands up first and offers Dan a hand. He takes it and Phil pulls him to a stand. They clean their pants from sand and start to walk back to the hotel. Since the kiss Phil cannot stop thinking about one thing – he wants to continue what they have started. His mind is on the bed – Dan or his room, it does not matter – and he does things to Dan he hasn’t done to him for a while. He is not entirely sure if Dan is on the same page with him. Because sometimes they have different opinions regarding a situation like this, which means being not at home. He decides to wait until they reach their hotel rooms to find out what Dan wants.  
They pass the reception of their hotel, call the elevator and step inside as the doors open. Phil can’t stop his heart rate from catching up – he feels like a young teenager trapped in a hormonal rush. It sets him back at the time Dan had visited him at his parent’s house in December 2009. The air in the elevator breathes like a tick cloud of pheromones. The higher they get the more he has to control the urge to touch Dan. To just give a fuck and kiss him right here and now, bathing in his incredible and unique scent that seems to concentrate in the small car of the elevator. He cannot look at the pretty face with brown eyes and curly hair otherwise he would lose all restrain. The jingle of the elevator arriving at their floor echoes in his ears and he steps outside behind Dan almost not recognizing it consciously. They walk to their rooms and as Dan stops in front of his door he turns and faces Phil.  
… So they are on the same page.  
“You know, my room is the last one on this floor. So, no neighbors at the bedside.” There is nothing more to say. Dan steps up to Phil, a concentrated look on his face and slips his fingers into the ass pocket of Phil’s jeans – fishing for the keycard. They disappear behind Phil’s hotel room door and Dan plugs the keycard into the slot to activate electricity. But no lights are turning on and they are swallowed by darkness.

The next Dan knows is to be pushed against the wall feeling Phil’s hot breath on his lips. For a short moment time seems to have stopped. It’s like the conversation they should have but don’t need to.  
This time Phil’s lips conquer first. They kiss and they are immediately back at the beach, back hidden in the moonlight shadow of the stall and back is their heat, lust and desire. Phil’s hands are eager and he undresses Dan’s torso not asking for anything but everything. Their lips find each other every time heatedly, tongues licking and claiming their possession. Phil is not sorry for slowly thrusting into Dan trying to enjoy every rush of heat as long as possible. He keeps the pressure as he slowly trust upwards, connecting their groins, brushing member over member between thick and bothering fabric. He loves the little noises coming from Dan. He grasps his hand, pins it next to their heads on the wall and intertwines their fingers as he knows Dan is about to moan again. The younger man sharply inhales from the combination of both contacts. They steal his kisses between moans. Even though Phil changes the focus of Dan’s attention with every slowly trust, he manages to undress Phil’s upper part. But the lips do not return after the shirt has been pulled over head and arms, glasses abandoned on the counter next to the wardrobe much earlier. Phil grasps the waistband of Dan’s jeans, turns him around and maneuvers him to the bed, pushing him on the white sheets. He does not waste a second to crawl over Dan.  
Condoms?  
Lube?  
Something?  
No words spoken – a conversation happening just between them looking at each other in the darkness.  
Phil jumps back on his feet and rushes into the bathroom. Toilette bag, toilette bag. Ah, here! Where is the condom he gained from a party that includes a little package of lube? It is perfect for … like emergencies. He grasps the little square carton package and runs back into the room, crashes on the bed, just limps flying and Dan under him. They laugh.  
“You spork”, Dan kisses him and at the same time his hands are starting to open Phil’s pants. Phil laughs into the kiss and does the same. But he has one more trouble – Dan’s skinny fucking jeans. So he opens the button, pulls down the zipper and takes the struggling fabric at the waistband. With one experienced move he turns the jeans inside out and off of Dan’s legs. He lets them fall onto the floor at the end of the bed and is back over Dan in a second. But Dan grasps his shoulders before they can kiss again and flips then round. He steals one kiss and pushes Phil’s pants from his Shakira hips over his so much nicer butt. Phil feels a cold breeze of air and knows that Dan has vanished above him to pull the jeans from his incredible long and tanless legs. As Dan is gone to deal with his pants, Phil sits up and switches on the little reading light at the head of his bed. He has to giggle as Dan removes his mismatching socks from his feet because he is very sensitive there and even a small touch tingles too much. There is one last thing to check. “Curtains closed?”, Dan has returned and breathes the words against his lips. “Yeah”, he is allowed to reply before Dan kisses him. The younger man crawls onto his lap and takes his face between his hands as he slips his tongue into his mouth. Now Phil is the one that moans deep and dark. 

Just in their Calvin Klein shorts now, they fall back onto the bed. Phil rolls them over and is on top again. He lays his body flat on Dan’s, breaks the kiss and traces his tongue down his neck. He loves to drive Dan crazy during their foreplay. He can feel Dan’s leg gently rubbing along his, his legs spreading every time a little bit more until Phil lies between them perfectly. Again, there is no need to talk. They know their signs when they are ready, have heated up, are aroused and want to take the next step. Phil does not have to ask for a verbal approval to be allowed to pull down Dan’s underwear, freeing his erection and pressing two lubed fingers against his hole. He had ripped the package open with his teeth and squeezed the content on his right hand. Phil buries his face in Dan’s crook of neck, inhales his insane attractive scent and places kisses all over Dan’s sensitive skin as he opens him up. His attention is all over Dan, taking in every move, every trust down on his fingers, every vocal noise, the rustling of the bed sheets and his own pulsing cock.  
“Dan”, the name leaves his throat with a single exhale. And he takes Dan’s hand in his – the sealed condom between their palms. Dan crosses his arms behind Phil’s neck and let himself be brought into a sitting position as Phil’s fingers leave him. He can feel the hands of the older man holding him at his shoulders, steading him, the fingers on his left shoulder hot and wet from lube. Their foreheads touch and their breath mixes as Dan opens the sealed condom package and rolls the protection over Phil’s erection. It is almost one motion as they sink back down onto the bed and Phil slides into Dan. Dan pushes his back off the mattress, his mouth open in a deep throated moan, feeling kind of in slow motion as Phil’s hands grasp his shoulders harder and his pelvis trusts forward. They settle in a very slow pattern. There is no rush. Everything is sweet, loving and deep. Every trust their movements form seems to be as long as their pleasure allows it to be. Phil’s hands move from Dan’s shoulders over his chest and caress his nipples, what lets Dan throw his arms again around Phil’s neck to steady himself. A wave of hot pleasure crashes Dan’s body as Phil bits into his accessory-free earlobe. Like an impulse, Dan’s hands rushe into the raven black hair and pull the head up. He opens his eyes. What he sees lets him trust harder back against the rhythm in which they dance. The weak light next to the bedside lets him see Phil’s aroused face mid-coitus. Lips parted - breathing air and releasing moans - his mesmerizing eyes closed, his hair damp from sweat and pushed back away from his forehead. This is how he has seen Phil for so many years now. It is still hard to believe. He has seen his body develop into a grown man, sharpening his features and passing thirty. And Dan still thinks that Phil is getting more attractive each day. After months of hesitation abandoning the old and outgrown emo fringe and finally embracing the quiff Dan has admired so often during their time in bed. Or a lazy weekend.  
Phil seems to recognized that Dan has wandered off with his thoughts, as he brings him back with a well-known trust hitting Dan’s prostate. A loud and high moan escapes Dan’s throat. He lets go of Phil’s hair and losses himself completely in their unison. It is like their hearts melt together, let the boarders of their bodies disappear and together they are forming a whole new being. 

Phil feels everything – every connection, every touch. Them kissing, interrupted by moans and tongues. Dan is hot around him and tightens always perfectly during their trusts, riding them towards their orgasm. The embrace of their bodies deepens and Phil can feel with every fiber of his body as he loses Dan to his orgasm. He keeps trusting slowly and steady as Dan fills the gap between their bodies with hot cum, getting rubbed all over their belly as Phil keeps trusting accompanying Dan. The moment before Dan collapses on the bed sheets defeated and satisfied, he pulls Phil into a deep and hot kiss, which sends the other one over the edge. Dan keeps kissing Phil until his orgasm is over.

They lie next to each other enjoying the aftermath of their love making. It’s Phil who is the first initiating contact anew. He turns his body towards Dan and rests is face against Dan’s neck. He starts to hum as Dan strokes slowly along his back with one big hand.  
Dan recognizes Phil shifting more towards his body and has to smile how cuddly this old man is. Not long in the embrace, a finger gently touches his ear shell. The touch returns and continues for some more times.  
“What are you doing?”, Dan asks, voice high from questioning and sore from moaning.  
“Checking for pointed ears”, Phil explains.  
Dan shifts himself on his elbow and looks directly at Phil, “Why?”  
“Wanted to check if we are Vulcans.”  
“Vulcans like Spock?”  
“Spock is half Vulcan”, Phil corrects and Dan gives his shoulder a little teasing push. Phil laughs. “Sometimes we don’t need words to communicate with each other. It’s like we have a Vulcan bonding.”  
“So you think we have to be Vulcan.”  
“And have pointed ears.”  
Dan laughs warmly and pulls Phil in a close embrace, “I love you, you gigantic nerd.”  
“I love you, too. … Don’t ever forget that”, Phil adds after a short pause, looking Dan in the eyes.  
“Never.”

_And if they are ‘just’ best friends in real life it is not minor special than sharing a romantic relationship. Because finding a person you click with like they both do is something very precious. A friendship can be an outstanding connection without being sexual and this kind of friendship Dan and Phil for sure have._


End file.
